In light of last night’s terribly uncomfortable and Bush-like press conference, I thought I would pass this along. And seriously, if you changed the voice and overlaid W’s image on Mr. President last night, I swear people would have thought it was Bush himself. Why this President gets a free pass when he bumbles, stumbles, evades, snickers, scowls, chastises, etc. is beyond me.
Anyway, enjoy this note, I did NOT pen it:
Steelers to loose Super Bowl Trophies
Pittsburgh, PA. The Super Bowl XLIII Champion Pittsburgh Steelers, the only team to win six titles, will soon be loosing half of those trophies. After a meeting between NFL Commissioner Rodger Gadel and President Barack Obama, Obama decided to redistribute half of their Steeler Super Bowl victories and trophies to less fortunate teams in the league.
“We live everyday in the country that invented the Super Bowl.” said Obama “We are not about to lose this Great American tradition in the wake of these difficult times.” Obama’s plan calls for the Steelers, who are a successful NFL team, to give half of their Super Bowl trophies to teams that are not successful or have not been as successful as the Steelers. “The Detroit Loins are just as much a part of the same fiber of the NFL as the Steelers and they should, no rather will, be entitled to a Super Bowl Trophy as well.” Obama explains in his plan that he has imposed on Godel and the NFL.
The Pittsburgh Steelers, who by virtue of hard work, excellent team play, stellar draft choices, responsible investing of free agents, careful hiring of coaches and excellent community service and commitment to their fans, has prospered greatly during the past 30 years and have won six Super Bowl Trophies. But President Barack Obama’s plan calls for the Pittsburgh Steelers to carry the larger burden of the NFL’s less successful teams. Obama went on to further proclaim, “In these difficult times we are all in this to work together. We must reclaim the NFL Championship Dream for every team, for every city and for every fan.”
“My plan will not affect 31 of the 32 teams in the league.” Obama assures. That’s over 95 percent of the teams in the NFL will not have to worry about loosing any Super Bowl Trophies. “The worst teams in the NFL and the teams that can’t seem to get a break and win a championship will no longer have to worry about going without a title.” Obama promises. “We are a country and league of hope. We all need to make a change. It does not matter the color of the teams uniforms, the personal decisions that the teams make or their performance but rather if they are a member of this great American league.”
The Super Bowl XLIII trophy will be redistributed to the 0-16 Detroit Lions. Through no fault of their own incompetence, the Lions could not manage a victory all season and this trophy will help ease the pain of their lack of performance and give them hope once again. The redistribution of Super Bowl XL trophy will go directly to the Steeler’s division rival the Cincinnati Bengals. The Bengals who also have fallen on hard times have never won a Super Bowl. This victory will bring a smile to hundreds of Bengal fans all over the world as they can now celebrate. Finally, one of the Steeler’s two Super Bowl victories over the Dallas Cowboys will go back to the Cowboys since the league needs to provide hope in the face of difficulty and provide hope in the face of uncertainty. This is a heavy burden for the Steelers but together we can all prosper.
All hope is not lost for Pittsburgh fans, Barack Obama has another plan in place. Obama has meet with MLB and commissioner Bud Selig on a similar plan. The New York Yankees will redistribute two of their world series trophies to the Pittsburgh Pirates as a supplement to their loosing 16 straight seasons and counting. This plan will help stimulate the Pirates and enable them to regain the American Dream. Barack Obama will be meeting with the NHL and Michael Phelps in the upcoming weeks as this issue is high on his agenda for “Hope and Change.”
Well, the Steelers do owe the Seahawks a trophy for Super Bowl XL. But they can refrain from giving a ring to Jerramy “The Bum” Stevens.
Mike,
Wonderful satire. I e-mailed Andy Roth, the webmaster of The Club for Growth, and suggested he post it. FYI, their addy is theclubforgrowth.com. You should link with him, especially because your link with Cafe Hayek does not work, and theirs does. This an important site, since it is Pat Toomey’s. Toomey is a self-term-limited member of congress, and he gets invited to expound on National Review’s cruises, smoking cigars with Robert Bork. He happens to live from me perhaps eight miles as the crow flies. He knows my brother, the publisher. The Club for Growth likely was instrumental in getting Arlen Specter to hiccup and say no to Card Check.
If for some reason theclubforgrowth proves to be a bad link, please let me know. Politically, it is more powerful than andrewcuomojr@ny.gov, or whatever that thug’s addy is.
Best wishes to you, your family, and your lazy students. Tell them I would like to see them raise hell on your blog.
H