We just missed the annual Wacky Warning Labeling Contest. Some past beauties include:

• On a baby stroller: “remove child before folding”
• On an iron: “never iron clothes while being worn” (actually, I’ve done this to a sleeve end before)
• On a snowblower: “do not use on roof”
• On a box of birthday candles: “do not use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity” (without the warning, I’d never have thought to use it for anything other than perhaps some drip art)

This year’s winner:

On a drive and talk speakerphone: “not for use while driving”

It’s funny and all that, but think about the incentives of the folks in our bureaucracy that end up making such labels necessary. They are not exactly aligned with our best interests. God wonders how anyone would survive without these warnings, or the people who give rise to them doing something, you know, productive.